Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
zippers are such a cool invention
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
