you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
