Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
