just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
