Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
