She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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