screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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