I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
