i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
