Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
