don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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