her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize