Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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