Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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