Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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