So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
