gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize