Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
