you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
