i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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