Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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