Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
should my penis look like a turkey
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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