idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
