I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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