forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
