it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
