Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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