did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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