Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
