so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
