whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
