Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
