just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
