A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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