Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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