You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize