I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
