If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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