i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
