Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't make out with my wife yet
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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