I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
