please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
