i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
