i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
