I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
