I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
