How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize