I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
