We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
