No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
