Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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