i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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