Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
