Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
