just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
