Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He has the fingertips of a God
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