Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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