Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
