the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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