It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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