we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
