Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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