My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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